Losing Face: I Had to Look, Having Read the Book

By The Legendary Danny O’Doul

I must say that I was really on the money when I predicted that the initial public offering of Facebook stock was going to be a bust.  Yes, the hype surrounding the hoopla that accompanied the tumult that followed the excitement that began with the biggest buildup in the history of American capitalism was just enough hot air to re-inflate the Hindenburg blimp — which is quickly becoming a fine metaphor for this useless piece of internet junk now crashing and burning to the ground! Oh, the humanity!  Of course, its pathetic allure rests in the reality that most people are not “Legendary” and are, therefore, not afforded the opportunity or space to publicly sound off in their very own weekly newspaper column.  For these average pundits, their only access to a public forum is an ersatz venue, or virtual town hall, where they and their supposed friends attempt to act droll, catch up on nonsense, and make believe that their virtual friends, are really their real friends. Why didn’t they just call it Pathetic Loser-Ville?

If the members and participants on Facebook couldn’t face this cold hard fact — then, clearly, hedge fund managers, pension funds, and international mega-investors could —and they voted to pass on the opportunity to buy the overpriced shares of Facebook, and then turn around and short the stock!  Even the Chasidim came out en masse at CitiField this week to protest the internet, or was it to warn its adherents that the Facebook shares were going to be overpriced?  Regardless, that Facebook is dangerous stuff, whether as a “social network,” or as a bogus stock scam!

Still, the faithful saps who must have their daily fixes of FB seem oblivious to the notion that Facebook is basically the New AOL and, like that great Brontosaurus of the Paleolithic Age of the First Internet Boom, the current platform is getting old pretty quick and is starting to show its age.  Just like the Twitter fad of the past few years has stepped aside for “Words With Friends” and “Angry Birds,” so too will Facebook be replaced down the line by some other idiot phony website that pretends to be a forum for free speech while it secretly records and tracks your every comment, keystroke and personal preferences.  All the while, it will lull you into the false sense of comfort that your

First Amendment rights to zing the your buddies, people you never met, and, even, the President of the United States, are all privileged commentary protected by the U.S. Constitution.  Fat chance!  Wow, what illusory fun, and what a very sound investment opportunity!

So, what’s a Five Towns’ maven to do when he or she feels the need to opine, quip, banter, or just seek the narcissistic attention that many here understandably crave.

Well, I suggest that all of you visit The South Shore Standard’s  website at www.standardli.com and there you can post your comments to the authors,

columnists and even, Howard Barbanel, the Publisher.  There are very few things that Howard enjoys more than reading the incoming posts, letters to the editor and online comments.  Not only that, but you as participants will have a forum to air your views on the goings on and happenings across our Five Towns region.  And, remember, The Standard, doesn’t track your movements like the geeks at Facebook, who are probably in the hip pocket of the government!  Howard, is a conservative, so he has no relationship whatsoever with the current administration in the White House.  No need to worry  –

just steer clear of the Howard Kopel jokes…although Big Ed Mangano is fair game!

Now, what to do if you bought Facebook stock and, are now thinking of selling it?

My recommendation is that you request the stock certificates from your broker and hold on to them.  I guarantee you that one day you will be able to sell these quaint relics on Ebay to collectors of vintage currency, stocks and bonds.  They will pay top dollar for this otherwise worthless garbage!  But, don’t think that I am some kind of medium, seer, or fortune-teller.  No, I, may be “Legendary,” but I’m not Nostradamus!

Which may lead you to ask: “So, how, Legendary, were you so sure about the unfortunate debut and the resultant tanking of Facebook shares?  Well, I’ll tell you.  Just like my fellow financial wizard, Warren Buffet – the Macher of Omaha — has one strict rule: “Invest in what you know, or can understand,” I, too, have a golden rule.

My simple investment mantra is this: “Never, and I mean, never, buy stock from a guy

in a hoodie!

This is The Legendary Danny O’Doul signing off and imploring my dear Readers to give www.standardli.com a try, as a safe, secure, wholesome and, potentially more raucous, site than that “other” platform which starts with an “F” and ends with a “K”!