And They’re Off — It’s the Official Start of Summer!

THE LEGENDARY DANNY O’DOUL
By Danny O’Doul 

Well, with most of The Five Towns’ brats now thankfully out of their parents hair for the next six to eight weeks, safely ensconced in the great outdoors where bootstrapping and deprivation await and the civilization of Upper Crust personal pizza pies, Tokyo Sushi and Cheese Store extra-large $50 flavored iced coffees are as far away as are Mommy and Daddy.  Life is harsh for these youngins.  No Tina’s Nails.  No Jildors. No Max and Gino’s.  No Denny’s.  Well, who cares, a little roughing it is good for these spoiled little pishers.  And, besides, their  parents are paying top-dollar to teach their children a hard lesson.  Namely, leave these Five Towns — and raccoons, bears and awful food await you – and, may all your malls be filled with Kohl’s and Family Dollar Stores!

So, now that I can potentially get a parking spot on The Avenue, I may actually be able to visit Downtown Cedarhurst once in a while.  Sure, it is not as busy, exciting and internationally-flavored as Downtown Woodmere, but it has many banks to speak for it – and where there are banks – there is usually “free coffee” – the object of my personal daily quests.

I must say, that after last week’s spontaneous, and supposedly, double-confirming Seinfeld sightings in Hewlett, I think I have finally gotten to the bottom of all this ersatz excitement.  It wasn’t Jerry Seinfeld, but it does involve, “Seinfeld.” And, it doesn’t involve “Hewlett Harbor.”  Let me explain, what really happened was that Kenny Banya who, as you may remember, forced Jerry to take him to Mendy’s for a meal and Banya then ordered only soup, and the Talmudic discourse that followed dealt with the definition of “a meal” and whether “soup” constitutes “a meal.”  There was a lot riding on the outcome of this debate, because if “soup” were not “a meal,” then Jerry would have to take Banya, to Mendy’s, again, but this time he would have to buy him a proper “meal.”

In an interesting aside, if you ever go to Mendy’s on 34^th Street in Manhattan, and, look carefully at the group Seinfeld picture on the wall, the only person missing from that picture is Kenny Banya – a cruel irony which I pointed out to the proprietors. How can anyone have a meal, or even a soup, in a restaurant whose owners do not give proper kudos to Kenny Banya – the man who put Mendy’s on the map?

Well, getting back to Banya, it was he who was spotted in Xaga Sushi – where he was not having a sushi lunch, but merely a bowl of Miso Soup with a seaweed salad on the side. After that, Banya went to Trader Joe’s for some free coffee and complimentary sample. Jennyy, the lady who works the free coffee and complimentary sample counter – distinctly remembers Kenny Banya asking for Ovaltine, but trying the “Columbian-Gold” free coffee and telling her “that’s gold, Jenny…GOLD!”

And, Kenny Banya is not looking for an estate in Hewlett Harbor – that was pure hogwash.  All he seeking is a small two-bedroom garden apartment on Broadway in Hewlett – maybe, even a large one-bedroom with a little terrace.

So, you see how rumors get spread out of control and the truth is played fast and loose here in The Five Towns.  And, speaking of hearsay, innuendo and gossip, a totally surreal thing happened to me on The Avenue this week.  I had just come out of Chase Bank with some “potential coffee” – though definitely a hot black drink of some sort.  Walking towards Cap One for some “real” free coffee, I looked into a vacant storefront with some evidence of a new tenant in the process of moving in.  I stared at the sign on the window:

“New Home of Gossip,” it read.  Well, I thought, finally a new business here in The Five Towns that is destined to succeed.  If gossip, indeed, bought a home – it would definitely be right here on Central Avenue.  I eagerly asked the proprietor of a neighboring store when “gossip” would be fully moved-in.  The lady shook her head and looked at me like I was some sort of freak who actually “buys” coffee, and, maybe, even shops on The Avenue.

Something seemed amiss and I decided to re-read the sign in the window.  I nearly dropped my cup of Chase brew (which was decidedly undrinkable) when on clearer inspection, the sign now read:  “New Home of GoShip.”  I must say that a part of me was sad, and a part of me was excited.  Yes, there was still no “Home of Gossip” here in The Five Towns – the Gossip Capital of the Free World.

But, what kind of a business could The Legendary Danny O’Doul open up right here on The Avenue – especially, with all the new-found parking!

This is The Legendary Danny O’Doul signing off and wishing all the parents here

in The Five Towns a wonderful summer in their European convertibles, alligator

shirts and Gucci shades.  Also, make sure and visit GoShip daily to send up those

sushi and salad- filled “care packages” to all their  starving “yutes” in summer camp!